The PAST that never passed !!

         I sometimes wonder why do we have three tenses in English language...Past, Present and Future? What if there had been only one, i.e., just Present !! Then there would have been an imaginary world where all would have been living every moment of life. There would be more joy, more glory, more fun as there would have been no ugly thoughts of past troubling us and no worry of an uncertain future. Because the fact of the matter is, more often than not, we are either tied down with our past life or crying over our ambiguous and uncertain future. We all have been victim to the above mentioned diseases and some of us have to pay a huge price in order to get over them. Something similar happened with Aryan too.

            Aryan was a very jovial, merry-making and enthusiastic guy who would always stay happy and believed in spreading happiness. He was the only son of his parents and right from his childhood he had been a brilliant student. He has always been good in co-curricular activities too; an obedient student; a disciplined son and a beloved friend. So, all in all, an ideal boy. But right from his childhood he had a problem of haunting himself by thinking of the past. Very often he will slip into the dirty lanes of yesteryear memories and would hurt himself awfully.

            Every rare scolding he ever got from his parents, every little brawl he had with any of his pal right from his childhood, every punishment he received from his teachers, every failure he faced in his life….all such events are clutched to a small room in his brain. And then every step he would take for future would be after considering the past. Henceforth, Aryan was always very skeptical in his every decision. Though most of them paid off, there was one which hit him hard…very-very hard !!

            One fine day he met Shikha in his office. It was the 4 months post joining ITC, Mumbai. She was pretty, possessed silken long hair, dark black eyes, fair complexion and extremely talkative. Soon they became friends. Shikha was very-very tom-boyish and had several male friends. Unlike Aryan, she was very frank, open minded, bindaas, and was very comfortable hugging every friend of hers. She was also fond of clicking photos. And she would love to have it clicked with Aryan. She knew, Aryan would shy but never say No to her. So in the first 6 months, Shikha & Aryan had too many pics already clicked. Well talking of her best friends in the office, among males, it was only Aryan and Vishal.Vishal was Shikha’s boss to whom she would have to report every day and also the person who recruited her. Initially Shikha would spend her entire day talking to both of them. But the three were never found together. If she has lunch with Aryan, the evening tea would be with Vishal and vice-versa. In the mean while, Aryan got busy in a new project and was transferred to Pune. And slowly Shikha started finding her comfort zone in Vishal.

            Both Shikha & Aryan were fond of listening to old songs. And post his transfer to Pune, Aryan would every week send a mail to Shikha enriched with the lyrics of old melodies. Shikha would love it and would thank him with a note of “Love you, Miss you”attached with it. Aryan knew it was matter of another 2 months and then he would be back to Shikha, his best (girl) friend.

It was the midnight of  13^th February, 2013 when Aryan messaged Shikha, “hey, wassup dear? Kal ke kya plans hai…..going out with Vishal??” Shikha replied “Hey !! Stop that…me and Vishal are just friends. Do you get it? Don’t ever tease me with his name. Anyways, I am going to Mysore for my cousin’s wedding. Will be back by 15^th night and will also get gifts for you. Me on the bus right now.” Aryan, “Heyy are you going alone…take care!” Shikha, “Yaaa…chill. Me not a small girl. Vishal came to drop me. My family will reach there directly and then we will have loads of fun. You too take care. Bye.”

Days went by and the two kept talking on cell, sharing messages on fb, gtalk…even doing video chats at times….and all this finally led to the growth of small seedlings of love in the heart of Aryan. Finally Aryan was back to Mumbai on 3^rd of March. Vishal was in Bengaluru then. Meeting after 5 months, Vishal & Shikha hugged each other. It displayed the warmth of their friendship. But Shikha was upset with few things. She told Aryan that she had a fight with her mom, a duel with brother and also some issues with Vishal. Aryan, as always, consoled her and took her for an outing. On 5^th of march, Aryan expressed his feelings for Shikha. He was very nervous as he was risking his 9 month of friendship while proposing.

            But Shikha was glad to hear it. She said….you should have told me earlier. I would have been much more happy. But since it was early days, the two decided to continue the journey as friends and know each other in a much better way before getting into any kind of relationship. The next four days were completely fun-filled. It was all rosy and sunshine. Probably the only four days in a trot when no past memories touched Aryan at all. In the evening of 9^th march, while sipping cold coffee in a cafeteria  Aryan said, “Hey Shikha, why don’t you show me the pics of your cousin’s wedding”. Shikha frowned and was a bit taken aback. Aryan said, “oye! Kya ho gaya…laa apna phone de”. Shikha said, “ well Aaru, I didn't go to Mysore.” Aryan, “ What???”. Shikha, “Ya...I went to Goa for 2 days with Vishal to celebrate Valentines Day. We are in relationship for last 4 months. I am sorry. But I promise, we never got physical….”. It never mattered to Aryan anymore.

            For Aryan, it was all over that night. Its been 2 years….and this past wasn't meant to pass. Later on Vishal broke up with Shikha. Vishal got a better job in Bangalore. Shikha got married to a businessman in 6 months. Everyone moved on with time….but Aryan got tied down to that horrendous night…9/3/2013. He didn't even attend Shikha’s wedding. Instead gifted her a mail,

Mubarake tumhe ki tum…kisike noor ho gaye,

Kisike itne paas ho…ki sabse door ho gaye !!

           He kept living the life of a dead guy for another couple of years. Nothing made him ecstatic or angry or sad anymore. Having lost all his emotions from the heart…he just carried a mind that kept visiting the brutal past. That ugly room had made more space for itself by now and it made Aryan realize the power of unlucky 13 because “14/2/2013” adds up to 1+4+2+2+0+1+3=13.He was dying every moment, everyday. He kept calling Shikha a lot…she never picked up his call. He sent her numerous messages on fb….and she just replied once saying “Please don’t contact me anymore. I am happy with my new family. You please move on in life. I am sure your destiny has planned something good for you.” Finally Aryan decided to end it all. He was miserably sick and tired with this life. Aryan was no more Aryan now. Before bidding adieu, his last mail to Shikha read….

Paas aayie ki hum nahi aayenge baar-baar,

Baahen gale me daal ke hum ro le zaar-zaar..

Aankhon se fir ye pyar ki barsaat ho naa ho,

Shayad fir is janam me mulakaat ho na ho..

@ Debashish

An Addiction called ‘Love’...

“I have been in love. It’s painful, pointless and overrated”

-         Damon Salvatore  

           Once upon a time there was a gallant Knight, a beautiful angel and an ordinary prince. The knight, tall, muscular and very handsome was living a wonderful life when he first time met the angel. A meeting that started with a ‘hie-hello’ conversation ended in spending time together. Every day they would go out for shopping, dinner and evening walks. Then the knight would gift a chocolate or a rose to her angel and all those gifts would make the angel feel very-very special. Whenever the knight would feel a bit down and out, the angel would be around….hugging and supporting the knight in best possible way. They were kind of always there in each others’ need. So, all this continued for couple of months.

          As the seedlings of love had started to grow in both the hearts, so one fine day the angel took the initiative of putting forth the proposal in front of the knight. After a lot of struggle she was able to confess it to the knight. The knight, at once, grabbed the angel in his arms. The angel, while hugging the knight, felt that she was in the arms of all the joys of the world and then started the journey of building up a colorful path to glory and fun.

          All this while the angel also had a professional partner, with whom she enjoyed working, an ordinary prince. This lad had lived a very black-n-white kind of life….a boring, pathetic and an idiotic life. But as time passed by, the prince slowly and slowly started developing a feeling of concern for the angel. Slowly this concern converted into a care then into a soft corner. Just to be sure that he is going on the right track, very often he would ask the angel “Hey Angel, are you single?”, “Hey, are you in relationship with the knight?”, “Hey is something cooking up between you and the knight?”, “Hey do you love the knight?”. And every time she would say “No we are just good friends”. Next time the question comes up, she would get very irritated and say “Are you crazy, I have told you so many times we are just friends…can’t you get it into your head?” The prince would feel bad momentarily that the angel shouted at him but he would be extremely relieved that his crush is single. Everyone in the town would come and say all kind nonsense stuff to the prince about the angel and about her relationship with the knight but the prince, as a fool he was, would defend his angel every time. There was an incident when the angel went with the knight for a 2 day visit to a different city and returned saying she went to her cousins’ wedding. Everyone in the town said that the knight must have taken the angel out on his birthday and both must have had the best time in a city nearby. But the prince, living in awe of his angel, said NO to all such gossips. He had a complete faith in his angel.

          Amidst all this, the relationship between the Knight and the Angel also started deteriorating. The knight would treat her with disdain. The knight would shout at her in public, would abuse her, would break her stuff, would leave her on the roadside and would make her cry. The angel started feeling low, dejected and disappointed. Slowly she started finding solace in the company of the prince. Whenever the knight would make the angel weep, the prince would always be there to wipe them off and bring the evergreen smile back on her lips. During this time she and the (boring) prince started becoming good friends. They came closer and closer. At the same time the angel started making some distance from the recently turned rude and arrogant knight. Now twice a week the angel would go out with the prince to some temple, have some beverages and then return happily. She would be smiling the entire day. They shared letters, spent time walking on empty roads late night and then just keep talking. The angel never kept quiet and the prince just kept watching her. In the mean while the prince also confessed his feelings for the angel. He was very-very scared. His first proposal. He knew the answer would be a big fat NO. Surprise-surprise, the Angel kept smiling. She said “Why did you say this so late!! You should have told me way back. And why do you worry so much, I will decide whether it’s a YES or a NO. And you never know what happens in future.”

          The prince was ecstatic. He could see some faint colors entering his otherwise damped paradise of dreams. But he never knew he was entering into a trap called “Addiction”. He was developing a habit called “Love”. He was putting his leg into a hole called “False Hope”. Now as the proximity between the prince and the angel started to grow with every passing day, the hopes kept rising, the joy kept growing and love kept increasing. There was more care, more concern, more smiles and more fun. Then one fine day in the month of March, just while talking normally, the angel said that she lied to the prince. She was (in fact is) in relationship with the knight. She actually went out with the knight to a city on his birthday. And as the words kept flowing out of the mouth of the angel, they did not vanish in the air….they kept piercing the prince’s heart as poisoned arrows. The prince was shattered. His trust, his faith was broken by his love. Since then, he started experiencing sleepless nights, starved stomachs, uncanny thoughts, weird imaginations….but he still wasn’t able to leave the angel. He continued to love her madly. His heart kept dodging his head. The angel was hurt too but she knew it’s only a matter of time before things get fine because she knew the prince loved her from the bottom of his heart. So, he would never withdraw his support for her. She would give all the reasons to the prince to make him believe that now she is honest to him, the prince is very important to her, she now cares for him and so on.

          A week passed by and the prince’s health was only getting worse. He had started distancing himself from the princess in order come out of this trauma. But as they say “dil toh bachha hai ji”, he was unable to. In the mean while the knight came back into the angel’s life. The knight was able to convince her that he always loved her truly and just small misunderstandings created issues between them. The not-so-smart angel got carried away once again. The couple gave their relationship another try and then they lived happily ever after.

          Wait wait wait….the story doesn't end here. The prince kept waiting for the angel for many more days. He still believed and hoped that the girl would come back to him because he loved her truly, passionately, selflessly and with utmost purity. He thought, like a crap, why should a girl be with a guy who makes her cry, destroys her stuffs, doesn't value her gifts, leaves her roadside and walks away…..he believed a girl should be with a guy who cares for her, is always concerned for her, is ready to spend on her, who meets her needs and demands, who tolerates, in fact, enjoys her silly pranks and above all makes her happy. But he was wrong. He was addicted to that girl and was flowing in the river of false hope. These addictions made him lose the angel; lose himself, his normal mind, his health and above all his joy. He today is a person with a body but no heart, he lives a life without a breath, and he works without any aim. He has lost his faith in love, the respect for women and the belief in the word trust.

          Love, with all its beautiful descriptions, is also the worst habit. Something with which when a person gets addicted of, it becomes the hardest thing to leave and come out of. It kills you daily, every moment from within. Beware.....before you get addicted the next time in life!!

 

@ Debashish